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Funny talk

Time: 2016-12-16

1. One beauty and one woman are in a bad mood , drinking at the bar. Because the beauty of a woman and a woman was too stuffy, they called a male colleague. A beautiful girl said: Can you accompany me for a drink? I'm in a bad mood . The male colleague hesitantly said: I really don't drink, I'm really sorry. The beautiful girl explained: Actually, I do n’t know how to drink, and when I ’m drunk, I mess up with my loved ones, mainly because I ’m in a bad mood! As soon as the voice falls, the male colleague turns his head and says to the waiter: Come with 4 bottles of beer.

2. The wife went out to collect debts, but returned empty-handed a few months later. The husband cursed: You are really incompetent! The wife said unconvincingly: Although I did n’t want the money, the boss ’s child was taken hostage by me! The husband was overjoyed and asked: What about the person? The wife patted the belly and said: Closed inside !

3. After a man was drunk, he could not find the entrance downstairs at home. When the police saw it, thinking that the man was a thief, he asked him: What are you doing? The man replied: I didn't do anything, my house is here. Why don't you go up with me and see. So the police followed him upstairs doubtfully. At the door of the house, the man said: This is my house. Then he took out the key and opened the door. After the door opened, he led the policeman into the room and pointed the room to the policeman. Finally, the man opened the bedroom door and saw a man and a woman lying on the bed! The man said to the police: Look, that woman is my wife, and that man is me.

4. For the first time, the wife was a prostitute and a woman, and a man came over to ask the price. The wife said: 100! The man said: I only have 30 yuan! The wife asked the husband: What to do? The husband said: 30 yuan can only be used by hand! The man agreed and took out a big guy the wife had never seen. The wife swallowed and turned to her husband and said, "Can you lend him 70 yuan?"

5. A man was struggling to find the object, and a colleague introduced him to a girlfriend ! So the two went out for dinner on the weekend, and spent 135 yuan at checkout. Men pay the bill, but the girls say that they also have to pay a part (that is 35 yuan). The girl explained: AA system is popular now, let's call it AB system like this, haha. The man saw the girl so empathetic and said excitedly: Then your B is too small, hahaha!

6. The wife asked her husband: Do you love me? Husband replied: Of course one love one . The wife asked: Do you also love one another? The man replied: You also love one . The wife was shocked: Didn't you say that I was everything to you ?! My husband replied: Yes, you are my first wife.

7. A few days ago, Brother Brothers got married . At the wedding, I met a girl who had known each other for a long time. When I asked, it turned out that she was the sister of my cousin's wife. Then I sat down and talked together, because I was not in a city, so it felt like a coincidence. When the wedding was going to gc, she suddenly asked me if I had a girlfriend . I was eating something at the time. Suddenly she screamed that we should be together. I swallowed the food in my mouth hard and gave her a piece of meat. . Now we are together. She also moved here and was looking for work. Bless me. .

8. College boys are hungry and thirsty. In the evening, five or six people join together to watch European and American love and affection action movies in the dormitory. A buddy thought carefully, opened a word document for cover, and when he was in a good situation, he suddenly heard the door lock turning, decisively alt + tab. The students from the evening self-study opened the door, and in front of them, a few old men were struggling and struggling, surrounded by a computer, the word in the computer was empty, and the sound of a soul was heard in the speaker.

9. A man and MM are dating for the first time. The man is nervous and speechless for a long time! Suddenly a gust of wind blows and the man is blown and sneezed a few times! The man quickly apologized to MM: Disorder, Disorder, Disorder! After listening, blushing and whispering to the man, said: OK, okay, then I'm OK if you pass!

10. A middle-aged man went to the clinic for treatment, accompanied by a woman in her 20s. After arriving at the clinic, the doctor asked the man: Where is it uncomfortable? Man replied: I was a little itchy there! After the doctor checked, he said: I suspect you have X disease! Man is furious: quack doctor, you quack doctor! I ’m not fooling around, how could it be Speaking, he pulled the woman out of the door. The next day, the man came to the clinic alone. When the man saw the doctor, he quickly said, "Doctor, I'm really sorry, my daughter was here yesterday."

11. A man walked with a friend on the road and suddenly found that five women were besieging his mother-in-law and mother-in-law! When the friend saw this, he asked the man: Do n’t hurry up to help ?! The man said calmly: No, five people are enough It's up!

12. Today I watched ** with my wife, brother could not help but sigh: I am so ashamed of my wife, mine is not as big as a monster. The wife replied: Don't worry too much, my Mimi is not as big as him.

13. The husband came home from work and saw his wife mixing the eggs, honey, juice and flour into a paste. Then, the wife covered her face with this homemade all-natural nutrition mask. The husband sighed suddenly: I thought I would eat pancakes tonight. I didn't expect to spread it all over your face.

14. Wife: When someone is engaged in XX engagement, the salary is only 1 million yuan; your salary is two zero less than others! It has been returned to the present, and my family has been posting. Husband: I am wronged. How can there be good goods at cheap prices? Wife: You you!

15. The husband and his wife took a walk on the beach. A beautiful aunt came forward. The husband said softly: What a beautiful nose, if it grows on your face. The wife listened and frowned in disgust. After a while, a beautiful woman came again, and the husband quietly said, "This little mouth is so beautiful. It would be nice if it grows on your face! The wife pouted again. At this moment, come over a blind man. The wife quickly said, "How good these eyes are, if it grows on your face.

16. One winter, a poor relative went to the banquet of a rich relative. This poor relative had no leather clothes and was still wearing a coarse single-clothed clothing. It was scary when he laughed. He deliberately shook a fan to the banquet and said to the guests: I am afraid of the heat, and I have to get cold in winter. The host felt that the relative was too contrived, and he wanted to tease him. After the banquet was scattered, the host deliberately pretended to be in his favor. When arranging accommodation, the poor relative was deliberately arranged in a gazebo in the pool, with a quilt and cold pillows on the bed. In the middle of the night, the poor relative couldn't bear the cold, carried the bed around, and accidentally fell into the pool. The host saw it, pretending to be surprised, and asked him how he was in the water. The poor relative replied: Just because he was too afraid of the heat, although he slept in the gazebo in winter, he still wanted to take a cold bath.

17. One person has only three hairs. One day, he went to a very famous hairstyling shop to make a styling. Designer: What kind of hairstyle do you want? Customer: Well, I don't have any opinion. You have an idea. Designer: Then I will help you tie the pigtails. As a result, the designer accidentally lost a hair during the braiding process. Designer: Sir, sir, I lost one hair, what should I do? Customer: Oh, it doesn't matter. Would you please help me with a half-dozen hairstyle? As a result, the designer lost another hair during the combing process. Designer: Sir, I lost another hair. Customer: Forget it, I'll go back with my hair.

18. One night the hotel was on fire and many guests ran out. A guest came over and said to you: You do n’t have to panic so much. When I heard the fire, I got up from the bed, lit a cigarette, and put on my clothes calmly, and I found the tie unsuitable, so I untied it. I changed another one without panic. Whenever danger occurs, remember to be calm and calm. At this time, only one guest asked: what you said is really right, why don't you wear pants?

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